By Dr. Dennis Merritt Jones
Is it just me, or have you also noticed an increased level of anger being expressed by many people who might not normally have such a short fuse? These are intense times. Maybe it’s the pending mid-term elections, horrific mass shootings, Mother Nature’s wild unpredictability, or a seemingly endless pandemic – or perhaps a mixture. My empathic side tells me it is not something I should deny or try to avoid because I too feel a bit of anger.
So, how do we approach such a “hot” topic as the anatomy of anger? Is it possible to take a peek behind the curtain that shrouds the energy of anger? Over the years, I have become an avid student of energy and how it moves. What I have discovered is that as human beings, not only are we made of pure energy, we are also conduits through which it flows. Once we understand that thought is energy in one of its purest forms, we’ll understand the thoughts we think make us energy directors. Thus, when we have misguided thoughts fueled by the energy of anger, our words (and actions) can be very destructive.
To be clear, there is really nothing wrong with anger when expressed healthily, in a way which does no one (or thing) harm. Anger needs to be identified, understood, ventilated, and released in a manner that is proactive rather than reactive. The operative word in the prior sentence is “released.” Why? As Buddha wrote, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal intending to throw it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” The misguided missiles of anger we fire at others always come home to roost. It is the acidic energy of long-term resentment that does a slow burn underneath our conscious awareness that does the actual damage. Anger “expressed” mindlessly is simply an outward sign that the fire of resentment is burning within, below the surface, and needs to be extinguished. The question is, where do we begin the process?
Anger often comes from a deep sense of powerlessness. Consider the idea that all fear arises from a concern of loss. Now, consider the idea that anger is an outward manifestation of an inner fear of loss of power; a loss of control over something or someone, including their behavior. The metaphysical writings known as A Course in Miracles, states, “Anger is a cry for love.” When I flash back to my childhood experiences around anger, (which were legion) I can see that it really was a cry for love and acceptance; all coming from a shame-based belief that somehow, I wasn’t good enough (lovable) just as I was. Love seems to be the universal antidote for the toxin of anger once we understand it – especially in these most challenging times.
So perhaps the next time we come across the energy of anger ascending within ourselves or another, we might first consider taking a deep intentional breath; and before we react, pull back the curtain and silently ask ourselves, “Who (or what) needs to be loved here?” This is how we can take the danger out of anger. In the process we might just save ourselves from making the best speech we’ll ever regret.