ENCOURAGING WORDS By Dr. Dennis Merritt Jones
“Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
~ DON MIGUEL RUIZ, THE FOUR AGREEMENTS
As I sat trying to mind my own business while eating my lunch, the people in the booth directly behind me were having someone by the name of Jane for lunch…and she wasn’t even there! I honestly did my best to dial out on their gossip—but the energy of their conversation was all-pervasive. They were “consuming” her character, talking about her in such a disparaging manner that it was painful to hear. At first glance gossip may appear to be a very innocuous form of behavior based on the fact that we “all” tend to do it on a regular basis. It seems to be inculcated in our culture. Perhaps for that very reason it is something we all need to pay attention to because it affects the emotional (and thus physical) well-being of all of us. It was in that moment that I became aware that I have also on occasion been a target of the same sort of mindless, groundless gossip and rumors, and yes, I too, have also feasted on savory gossip and noshed on tasty unfounded rumors with others. In a microsecond, I understood that the pain I was feeling for Jane and those who were talking about her had become my pain because they were a reflection of me.
At some point or another in our lives we have all been the target of gossip and rumors, as well as participants in the spreading of them. It is insidious, toxic, and yet, oh so juicy. Unless we are mindful and vigilant, it’s quite easy to fool ourselves into believing that what is coming from our minds, mouths, and hearts is harmless idle chatter. That’s how gossip works. It’s hard to detect when we are in the process of gossiping because it is provocative and seductive, but most of all, it is destructive.
Why is it that gossip is so prevalent among us?
This message is a reminder of how easy it is to jump into the stagnant pool of mindless gossip in our workplace, our church, the doctor’s office, the grocery store, and even our own homes and neighborhoods. From a spiritual perspective, understanding we are all one, it means that when we gossip to others about others we are ultimately doing damage to ourselves as well. Beyond that, the fact that any person who will gossip with you about others will also gossip about you with others. Any way you cut it, gossip and the spreading of rumors are counterproductive to creating a healthy relationship with life. Speaking with integrity in our daily interactions is a conscious choice we get to make every day.
Take the Test
I invite you to use this test before you unleash words that may be less than impeccable. Before speaking to or about another person, mindfully ask yourself these questions:
- Is what I am about to say true? Do I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what I am repeating is accurate and true, or is it based on hearsay and assumptions that I or others have made without gathering all the facts from an impartial and reliable source?
- What will I gain from repeating these words to others? Will what I am going to say be life affirming, productive, and helpful to all involved and will the world be a better place because I uttered these words? If not, why would I want to repeat them?
- Is what I am about to say about another person something I would have the clarity, courage, and commitment to say to his face, and if so, why don’t I do so?
- Will what I am going to say be using the power of my word in the direction of truth and love?
THE TAKEAWAY: Before we speak, or hit the forward and send button, it would do us well to pause and become witness to our thoughts before they become our words. I invite you to join me in using the power of your word in an intentional and conscious manner. Not just because speaking with integrity is the right thing to do, but because the world needs and deserves the absolute highest and best that we can bring to it. What we think and say matters, so being impeccable with our word seems like a great place to start.
Now, THAT is worth repeating, so pass it on!
Peace, Dr. Dennis Merritt Jones
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