Some make the choice to forego getting married, even though they are in committed relationships which they intend to honor. Having felt the great pain of going through divorce, they don’t want to ever again, and for good reason. Almost everyone who’s been divorced felt like they were “screwed to the wall.” Also, the emotional trauma of all those broken dreams is more than people think they can endure again.
But life is about learning and growing. Part of that growth needs to be learning to heal, but even more, learning not to make the mistakes that led to that pain and suffering in the first place. Sincere people of good conscience can put personal trauma aside and learn to trust again. We’re older, we’re wiser, and we’re less likely to choose the wrong person again. Hopefully, we’re a lot less likely to contribute to the destruction of our relationships, as when we were younger. Getting stuck in the past is a disability, which we all need to overcome.
Meeting later in life, each partner perhaps having had a previous family, there are plenty of forces that would discourage us from conquering our fears. But happiness, as well as a simple sense of fairness, requires that we do. Your new partner is not to blame for your past mistakes, only their own. But to fail to plan for the needs of both parties is a mistake.
The unmarried partner can be put at a huge disadvantage as changes in life come. That person you love (and actually do trust) might not have their name on your shared home. If you don’t have proper documents, medical professionals might not be able to talk to them when it counts the most. The person who may have the best insight into the choices you would make might be locked out of the process. And your children, who might never accept someone new taking the place of their natural parent, cannot be expected to automatically respect your new partner as you do.
What would happen to your partner if you should die tomorrow? Would he or she be homeless? Many are. Would they be without sufficient funds to meet everyday expenses? Most are! Would they even have use of the car you might have shared? Simply put, can you live with the thought that your lack of planning contributed to their ultimate demise? You must, at least plan for these possibilities. Sooner or later we all pass.
Get Real about Property! Travels through Real Estate Law by Tom Brodersen, Esq.