By Elli Baldwin, CDP
The holidays are here. You know what that means: food, family, and friends all gather together. It can be great and also really intense. Let’s face it, family dynamics are complex, especially if your parents are aging or sick.
We have worked with thousands of families throughout the years, guiding them through various challenges. One common issue that often arises is the need to foster cooperation among siblings. Our experience has equipped us to help families develop effective communication strategies and resolve conflicts, ultimately strengthening their relationships and promoting harmony within the household.
Below, we have outlined some common mistakes we see when siblings are caring for their aging parents.
1) Believing you are no longer responsible if one sibling handles parent care.
In many families, one sibling often takes on the role of the primary caregiver or may even be designated as the Power of Attorney (POA). However, the other siblings should still contribute. Caregiver burnout is a genuine issue that we encounter frequently. If you are not the primary caregiver, consider supporting your sibling in other ways. For example, can you drive your parents to doctor appointments? Can you prepare a few meals and freeze them for later use? You could surprise your sibling with a spa day or a chance to take a break. Caring for aging parents is a responsibility that the entire family should share.
2) The sibling who is the primary caregiver does not ask for help.
If you are the primary caregiver for your parents, don’t assume your siblings will offer the help you need – be sure to ask for it. Don’t hesitate to speak up and be direct about your needs. Often, one sibling takes the lead in caregiving and then feels resentment towards the others for not stepping in. When discussing this with the other siblings, you might find that their lack of involvement is simply because they didn’t know how to help without overstepping. By clearly asking for assistance, you can allow your siblings to contribute to the caregiving process.
3) Assuming our siblings have the same personalities they did when they were children.
It’s easy to slip back into the familiar patterns of family dynamics, a comfort that transcends age and life experience. The roles we adopted in childhood linger, influencing how we interact today. Just because one sibling assumed the mantle of “the know-it-all” during your formative years doesn’t mean they possess all the answers now. Engaging in open conversations where each voice is truly listened to and respected is essential. By genuinely hearing one another, you can collaboratively navigate the complexities of planning for your parents’ aging together, ensuring everyone’s perspectives are valued in this important journey.
4) Not planning for the tough realities ahead.
Every day, we witness heart-wrenching situations that leave a lasting impact. Families often face a crisis, scrambling for care decisions when they should have had those meaningful discussions long before. Talking openly about end-of-life care with your loved ones is essential, even if the topic feels daunting. We encourage you to meet with your family while your parents are healthy. This proactive step can lay a foundation for understanding their wishes and preferences. Though the conversation may feel awkward or uncomfortable, tackling it head-on can prove invaluable, providing clarity and support during a time of emergency. Starting this dialogue now can help ease future burdens and ensure your family is prepared when it matters most.
When we help families navigate senior care for their loved ones, we often help them navigate their interpersonal dynamics. We have learned a lot and are driven by empathy, advocacy, compassion, and understanding. Please reach out if you or your family need support finding senior care or just starting the conversation about end-of-life care.
To learn more about what specific communities will work for you or a loved one, call us at 727-314-6415.
Also, our Sunways website has a caregiver blog and many free downloads and resources, so be sure to check it out! www.sunwaysseniorliving.com
SUNWAYS SENIOR LIVING CONCIERGE
info@sunwaysseniorliving.com
3801 Bee Ridge Rd., Suite 6, Sarasota, FL 34233
727-314-6415