By Ken Ohlrogge
I often think about how a lot of the quirky things that spring up in everyday would make great Sienfeld episodes. This is one of them, with tributes to Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner and the movie Mouse Hunt. Could it only happen in Florida? Maybe.
A woman in our condo building has for weeks tried to get rid of a gecko that has invaded her home, causing her to sleep with the covers over her head and wipe down her counters every morning. Yeah, geckos are cute and harmless but we all have our fears of something or other. A fear of reptiles is called Herpetophobia (which one would think would more appropriately be the name of a fear of your girlfriend’s pet –like Linda’s St Bernard that used to growl at me).
She tried everything she could think of — from sticky pads to enticing bowls of anti-freeze — and finally called a pest control company. After spraying around her baseboards for $150 she still saw a gecko running Roadrunner-like across her wall. They suggested — which begins the bureaucratic Kaftaish part of this story — that she call the county animal control people, who in turn referred her to the county sheriff. The sheriff sent out his deputy. Yep, the sheriff’s deputy responded to a gecko home invasion. This is not a high crime area and one has to wonder whether our law enforcement is over-staffed if they can send out someone to apprehend a gecko.She said their conversation went something like this:
Deputy: Hello Ma’am, are you on medications?
She: No. I just have a gecko problem
Deputy: I took a course in conflict resolution
She: I’m licensed in conflict resolution — but it doesn’t work with a gecko
Deputy: How do you know you have a gecko?
She: Look here. Gecko poop.
Deputy: It looks like dust
She: It’s not dust, its poop
Deputy: Oh I found its carcass. It’s been dead for days
She: A gecko ran across my wall last night.
Deputy: Hmmm. You should probably call a pest control company
If anyone knows how rid a house of invading geckos please let me know and I’ll pass it on.
STL & LTL
Editor’s note: GET A CAT!