ENCOURAGING WORDS By Dennis Merritt Jones
Fear: The Only Life it has is the Life We Give It
“Often fear originates in our mind because, try as we may, we have little control over the future. And, the future is where we tend to look for our security, seeking the assurance that everything will be all right. The illusion is that we have control over many variables in our daily life and that seems to make us feel better, at least temporarily. However, we really have control over very little, other than our next breath and our next thought.”
~ Excerpt from, The Art of Uncertainty – How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It.
Are you aware of the acronym for F.E.A.R: False Evidence Appearing Real. I have another one for you: Forget Everything And Run. Isn’t that what we often do when a fear thought appears in our mind, triggering our emotions? We reactively turn from the fear and run away as fast as we can; to the medicine cabinet, the liquor cabinet, the refrigerator, the shopping mall, or any other form of instant denial. In the East, it is said that we must learn to dance with our fear because the closer we can get to it, the more fully we can make peace with it. The practice is to understand it’s not about slaying the monster; it’s about learning to lead the dance. This requires us to dance cheek-to-cheek with our demons rather than run from them. If we are willing to listen, fear can be a great messenger to get our attention, and can even serve us well in certain circumstances. However, it’s vital to
remember that fear has no life of its own, other than that which we choose to give it. Fear is a word (or label) to which we have learned to assign certain emotions that infer the possibility of loss in the future—be it five minutes or five years. Perhaps the emotion that seems to predominately rise to the top of this list for many of us is worry.
How to Transcend the Worry Habit
“That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.” ~ Chinese Proverb
Have you ever used the term “No worries” to minimize an issue when someone apologizes to you or asks that you pardon them for some small, innocent, breach of conduct or etiquette? The term has become a casual, kind, but useful, euphemism that covers a lot of territory when one wants to say more by saying less. On a more serious note, worry is a topic which affects us all; it is a toxic energy that always attaches itself to fear manifesting in one of its most convincing disguises. With awareness, saying “No worries” can help us defuse fear by consciously using the term as a mindfulness practice: The more often I say “No worries” to other people the more I realize what a great affirmation, or mantra, it is for myself.
Just allow the words “No worries” to wash over you; hear them as a statement of fact—a truth you are claiming as your own; it’s another way of declaring, “I choose NOT to invest my precious time and energy in something over which I have no control.” Think about it; when you are consumed with worry (based on any issue) where is your mind? You have projected it into the future where you have not even a modicum of control. The only thing you have any real control over is perhaps your next breath and the thought attached to it in the present moment; make that thought a healthy and productive one. In other words, the best way to affect your tomorrow in a positive manner is to be acutely aware of what you are putting in your mind today, understanding that fear is never the answer. This is not meant to trivialize the issues that may be going on in our lives or the world around us which are intensely compelling and certainly worthy of our concern; it’s merely a reality check. Worrying about anything over which we have no control is a poor use of the limited and precious time allotted to us on this planet because it doesn’t change anything except our blood pressure.
The next time the worry habit fearfully rises and wraps itself around you, casting you into the future, stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and ask it to “dance” with you. Pulling your fear close, whisper in its ear, “Are you something I have control over or the ability to change in this moment?” If the guidance you receive is “Yes” then drop the worry and take up whatever action you must to alleviate the fear; do what needs to be done. Conversely, if the answer you hear is a resounding “No” then take a deep breath and let the issue go. Embrace “what is” in the moment; refuse to allow worry to have its way with you. In either case, you will be actualizing the mantra that can set you free to be fully present and at peace with yourself in that moment: “No worries”; it’s more than an affirmation—it’s a way of life. Fear can only have the life you choose to give it.
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