By Elli Baldwin, CDP
Couples Aging At Different Rates
Very rarely does a couple age at the same rate – physically or cognitively. This can typically bring up fear, disappointment, and resentment. One person has to adapt to their new, often limiting realities, and the other usually falls into a caregiver role and has to modify plans, expectations, and daily routines to accommodate. The spouse who falls into the caregiver role is at risk of burnout, and the spouse who needs caring can feel guilty.
We work with many clients who are married couples facing these changes and transitions. The big challenge is finding a solution that can serve both parties…one that can provide physical and/or cognitive care to the spouse who needs it while supporting the caregiving spouse and allowing them to continue to thrive. Solutions enabling the caregiver spouse to take a break and stay engaged with their routines and current activities are essential. One solution is having home care come to your home for four or more hours. This allows the active spouse to have time to do other things. Also, adult day services are a great solution that typically are open 8am-5pm M-F to give an entire day or multiple days per week.
If staying home isn’t sustainable because of care or finances, one of the most successful solutions we have found is an “Independent-Style” Assisted Living community. Traditional Independent Living communities are not licensed to provide care, so outside private-duty caregivers are needed. Since this is the case, many couples feel it’s a similar set-up to what they have at their current home, so a move doesn’t make a lot of sense. However, moving to a community licensed as Assisted Living, which can provide hands-on care for the spouse who needs it but feels like Independent Living so that other residents are vibrant and high-functioning, provides a solution that works for both spouses. The couple moves together into a private one or two-bedroom apartment, and both receive three meals a day, laundry/housekeeping services, transportation (if needed) and access to all activities.
At move-in, both will be assessed for what care is required. Whereas one person may be getting significant care, the other spouse can receive little to none. The active spouse can continue to come and go, drive if they can, and keep their routine, knowing their loved one is getting the care they need and continuing to live together and enjoy life. We have seen this as an excellent solution for clients and an improvement in the quality of life for both people.
We are often asked what to do if one spouse needs memory care. Memory care communities are designed to support people with significant cognitive decline or an official dementia diagnosis. Many senior living communities in our area have multiple levels of care on campus, which allows both spouses to be there but in different areas. This allows for ease of visits and increased oversight. The active spouse can live in Independent Living or Assisted Living (depending on what is needed), while the other spouse is in a memory care area. We always encourage moving to a senior living community like this BEFORE significant changes or declines happen because it avoids moving during a crisis and allows for a smoother transition.
Every family’s situation is unique, and we honor that. If you want to learn more about what specific communities will work for your or a loved one’s situation, call us at 727-314-6415. Also, our Sunways website has a Caregiver blog and many free
downloads and resources, so be sure to check it out! www.sunwaysseniorliving.com
Always remember, you don’t have to walk this journey alone. Because our services are free to our clients, please contact us to discuss your unique situation and see how we can support you.
